Verbal Abuse


What They All Say

Your abuser has received professional training to verbally intimidate and control people. What he says and how he says it can be as effective as a weapon. When his face changes and he gets that look in his eyes and screams at you, you are terrified and you do whatever he tells you to do. He achieves his goal without raising a hand to you.

Many victims have quoted what their abusers say during their tirades. It turns out that most police abusers say exactly the same things, word for word. These are some of their most common lines...

When he says...

He means...

"I'm not going to argue with you." It's going to be my way, I don't care what you think.
"Don't make me do this. When will you learn to listen to me?" It's all up to you. I wouldn't have to do this if you'd just listen.
"It's over when I say it's over." I'm in control.
"You don't know who you're up against. I'll win, no matter what it takes." I'll have the last word.
"Nothing satisfies you. You're a bitch just like the rest of them."I won't even try to make this work. No woman is worth it.
"We don't have a problem, you have a problem." You go to counseling, you're the one who's sick.
"No one else would put up with your shit like I do." I'm the victim here.
"You knew I was a cop when you met me." Don't start complaining now.
"You've got it made. Other cops cheat on their wives, drink, do drugs. You're lucky to have me." I'm a prize and you don't know enough to appreciate me.
"You don't know a thing about the real world. You'd never survive without me. You were nothing when you met me. Everything you have is because of me." You're stupid and naïve. You should be grateful to me for rescuing you.
"This is MY house, MY car, MY money, these are MY kids." Don't even think about taking anything or anybody with you if you leave me.
"You don't know what abuse is. I'll take you to the morgue and show you what abuse is." What I did to you is nothing. You're still alive, so consider yourself lucky.
"I didn't do that — you bruise easy." I didn't hit you that hard. You're exaggerating.
"It's all in your head. You're crazy." You're imagining things or you're lying.
"If you just hadn't pushed me (hadn't said that, hadn't done that), I wouldn't have had to hit you." It's all your fault and you know better.
"The scumbags on the street treat me with more respect than you do. I don't take that shit from anybody, especially you." You're more worthless than the scumbags on the street.
"I'll kill you if you fuck with my job. I could kill you and no one would ever prove it." Don't even think about going for help. I can get away with murder.
"Go ahead, call the police. Who do you think they'll believe? I already told them you're crazy." I am the police and everyone knows you're a crazy bitch.
"Cops stick together. They'll report what I tell them to report." The truth is irrelevant.
"Call the police and I'll lose my fucking job. Is that what you want?" You'll have no financial support.
"If I lose my job you're going down with me." We're in this together.
"Forget the past. Why can't you let anything go?" You have a problem because you can't erase the past.
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As a victim of a police officer, your situation is very different than other domestic violence victims.

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Victim Handbook by Diane Wetendorf